Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  February 25, 2014 7:30pm-8:01pm PST

7:30 pm
water you couldn't drink or wash your face in or look ate for very long. [ laughter ] human right as abuses, anti-gay legislation. my point is -- >> a colorful end to the winter games in sochi. the president of the ioc declairg them an extraordinary success. >> jon: extraordinary some people went count a hill and nobody blew up. so as russia saluted the end of games with the signature giant weeping bear and, of course, their ode to all the really great artists they had shot, impresident order exiled we're reminded that our own jason jones was in russia near these games. here now his final report. ♪ >> now that the pageantry of the sochi olympics is behind us i
7:31 pm
finally have time to reflect on my stay in russia. what it boils down to is russias are a lot like us. they go to bars like us. they enjoy museums like us. and they even watch the same pirated dvds like us. >> "the daily show" with tiny jew. >> jeb and johnson. >> yes, good quality. >> the one thing that sets aws part is that russians are boniers. they doll crazy (bleep). don't get me wrong -- they do crazy (bleep). don't get me wrong i love watching it. but how about the land that give us war and peace p give us this. i sat down to better understand why russians are so extreme. >> we like to push the limits, we like to do things that are forbidden. that's the fee turf our nation's mentality. >> the craziest thing you've
7:32 pm
done? >> i don't think i've ever done anything crazy. i mostly doing roofing? >> what is that? >> roofing, i means i walk on the roof of buildings. >> being russian she video taped herself and put it an youtube for millions to witness her (bleep) sanity. >> a lot of people would strew that -- view that as crazy. >> not russians we have a famous saying we live by, don't be a pussy snch that the saying in rush sharks don't be a pussy? >> yes. >> you can't be a pussy and live in russia. look what happens to a simple political blogger who investigates political corruption. meet alexi four hours later to the interview because he was interindicated -- interrogated from russia isb. >> i oom barred from running for political office and i've been arrested many times times for
7:33 pm
organizing antd-government rallies. >> why do you do it? >> if you look at putin and all his -- >> and therch our mics cut out. seriously this really happen. >> the bugs in the office makes some problem for this equipment. twice we found bugs in even small video camera in the office. the funny situation they took this box and send it to the fsb for the expertise so the box returns to the guys who place it. >> holy (bleep). you speak english? >> a little bit. >> why the (bleep) were you making go through that russian (bleep)? it didn't matter what language we were speaking because when you criticize putin someone is listening. >> i don't think so. the small video camera and that small invisibility camera right here. >> we're going to do a b-roll where we pre tend to walk and
7:34 pm
talk. you go first. ♪ i know what you are thinking i'm acting like a pussy. i'm american i'm allowed to. russians don't have that choice. >> you are a pussy, right? >> yes. >> take these girls performance artists arrested. some of them spent almost two years in prison for singing in a church. >> we're just fed up with the politics in this country and we just can't keep silent. >> what is next for you guy? >> i can't really go into details because this place might be bugd. -- bugged. >> there's government bugs in here, too? >> yes, most likely. >> okay. listen to me you repeat exactly what i'm saying loud and clear. my name is jebin johnson and i'm here talking to snatch fight. >> my name is jebin johnson and
7:35 pm
i'm talking to snatch fight. >> that's exactly what went down. >> if you go to rush shah and see people juferring off bridges and hanging off cranes or (bleep) did she jump off a mountain? or if you see people protesting, punk rock organize fighting for change, it comes back down to that sim russian philosophy. >> anything in life is possible if you just say don't be a pussy. >> and russians ain't no pussies. [cheers and applause] >> jon: jason jones. [cheers and applause] if i may -- [cheers and applause] jason jones and the producer who was with jason the entire time with the great pieces brennan shroff. great job, guys. amazing pieces. [cheers and applause] amazing. i do want to ask, somebody asked me this earlier even how did you get an interview with gorbachev whop hasn't been seen in years
7:36 pm
and you managed to get an interview? >> we got his phone number, honest to god from the ballpark market. >> jon: on the black market? >> yes. >> >> jon: was it expensive? >> yes it was. it cost a human liver. >> jon: really? >> yeah, right there. >> russian doctor said i'll be fine. >> the guy he saw wasn't a doctor. he's going to guy. >> jon: he's going to die. tremendous job guys, well done. >> jon: h[ male announcer ] when you switch to sprint's new framily plan, friends are like family, so who's gonna be in yours? how about a few facebook friends? [ male announcer ] but the more people you add, the lower the rate. then add my work group. [ male announcer ] add up to 10 people, and everyone gets unlimited talk, text and one gig of data for as low as $25 a month each. great! who else you got? hi, mom! hi, honey! i brought rubina. hi, rubina! uh, are the bills separate? [ male announcer ] all the bills are separate. oh, hi, my love. hi! [ laughs ]
7:37 pm
[ male announcer ] the framily plan from sprint, with a new price, new plan, and an all new network. visit a sprint store today. ahh. there's one. what is that? it's my dale call. [ engine revs ] [ ducks squawking ] that's way better than my duck call. [ male announcer ] if you're on a diet of taking it up a notch... ahh. it's just different. [ male announcer ] ...drink diet dew. the only diet with dew in it.
7:38 pm
[ male announcer ] ...drink diet dew. ♪ ...but he is the biggest! ♪ the inventor of great taste and less filling. the one that dared to say, maybe light beer should taste like beer. and for a limited time, miller lite is back in the original light can.
7:39 pm
[cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. you know, americans we take certain things as gospel. george washington never told a lie, benjamin franklin invented everything. james gar feestlesd the first lasagna loving cat president. [laughter] what of lincoln. here is one network's tribute to
7:40 pm
him. >> i'm on a contrairan on abraham lincoln and bemoan the fact that he has been -- >> jon: i believe he is referringing to the fact that he killed vam pires. why bemoan a president most of us be-like? >> i prefer to look at him this way. at the time he was president of the united states slavery was dying a natural death all over the western world. instead of allowing it to die or helping it to die or even purchasing the slaves and then freeing them which would have cost a lot less money than the civil war cost, lincoln set about on the most murder russ war in american history. >> oh, right. [ laughter ] >> compensated emancipation. why didn't lincoln think of that? what is that? did he think after this. he spent most of 1862 to
7:41 pm
convince states to free their slaves in exchange for money and everybody said (bleep) off. okay. because i wasn't economically feasible and the slave states had a deeply invested interest in maintaining a two tiered culture using cheap labor. why we even talking about slavery? it seems that wasn't really what the civil war was about. >> it's not even awl together clear if slavery was the reason for secession. >> sure. >> largely the impetus for secession was tariffs. >> jon: sure unless he is talking about a slave named tariff, talking out his ass because in their own decorations of secession south carolina, georgia and mississippi all clearly put slavery as the number one issue for wanting to secede with mississippi saying quote "our position is thoroughly identified with the interest of slavery, the greatest interest of the world.
7:42 pm
i guess could you read into that it goes on to say for future whitewashing purposes please replace the word slavery with tariffs. for more are we joined by larry wilmore. thank you for joining us. so what about this idea that lincoln should have just waited because slavery would have eventually died of natural caves? >> -- causes? >> jon, the south was so committed to slavery lincoln didn't die of natural caves. [ laughter ] -- natural causes. >> jon: that's a good line. yeah. >> it's true. >> jon: if the tree market was just about to end it then why is it still going on 150 years later. q. slave trade is the exact opposite of free market. >> jon: this isn't just the judge's opinion there's articles, books, some by libertarians, confederate apologists it's an industry, a
7:43 pm
school of thought. >> did they teach history at this school? [laughter] because their facts are all (bleep) up, jon. [ laughter ] these people think lincoln started the civil war because the north was ready to kill to end slavery when the truth was the south was ready to die to keep slavery. you are welcome libertarians i just un(bleep) your facts. >> jon: that is kind of you. i'll enjoy the e-mails thanking you for that that i will receive. what about this idea that lincoln could have stopped slavery by buying all the slaves, buying them. >> yeah, that's how the free market works. yeah. when a product is bought up completely it just goes away. it's why mcdonalds motto is 1,000 searched we're out. >> jon: i didn't know that. [ laughter ] >> buyinging all the slaves wouldn't have been practical do you know how much it costs for one specimen that could work in your field and represent you in the snows a breeder. q. what would you pay for such a
7:44 pm
versatile young buck, jon? [laughter] >> jon: this is very uncomfortable for me. >> because we should never buy people. >> jon: right. that's what i meant. that's what i meant. that's why it was uncomfortable. [cheers and applause] the problem here is napolitano's economic argument considers people as though they are property. the same people who feel the civil war was too high a price have no problem shedding american blood for a more worthy cause. >> the founding fathers risks as they like to tell us the lives, fortunes and sacred honors for the freedom and independence they won and we have inherited. >> so it was heroic to fight a war for the proposition that all men are created equal but when there's a war to enforce it's whack? there's something not right when you feel the only black thing worth fighting for is tea. but i get it it's a good war because it's about taxations.
7:45 pm
>> taxation has become theft in america and our sheep like acceptance of it seems to avoid the moral issue of government take property from us against our will. >> you think it's immoral for the government to reach into your pocket, rip your money away from its own home, claim it from as its own property, money that used to enjoy unfettered freedom is conscripted to do whatever its new owner tells it to. i know this is a leap, but you know that sadness and rage you feel about your money? that's the way some of us feel about people. >> jon: thank you very much. [cheers and applause] vo: as the authority on computers, we have to know all about the latest and greatest. like the 2-in-1s with windows. and the best way to learn about our exclusive collection of 2-in-1s is to beta test them. we typed. we swiped. we worked on office. we multi-tasked. mom: that is burned! vo: and we multi-playered. winning blue shirt gamer: you're done! manager: we can't wait to show you our
7:46 pm
wide selection of 2-in-1s. available only at best buy. vo: save $100 on the sony flip 14" 2-in-1 laptop with the new windows. use your my best buy credit card and get up to 6% back for more great tech. only at best buy. ♪ ♪
7:47 pm
[ yowls ] ♪ ♪ [ music, indistinct talking on tv ] you're eating all the ammo, sir. remember your training. your whole life has been leading to this moment. [ blows ] [ woman shrieks ] ♪ but what's even more surprising is that brushing alone isn't enough to keep it clean. fortunately, you've got listerine®. unlike brushing which misses 75% of your mouth, listerine® cleans virtually your entire mouth. so what are you waiting for?
7:48 pm
it's time to take your mouth to a whole new level of health. listerine®... power to your mouth™. and take the listerine® 21 day challenge. feel the difference, or your money back. ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back my guest tonight an author. his book is quawld "the ministry of guidance invites you not to stay." an american family in iran. please welcome back to the show hooman majd. [cheers and applause] i'm going to get this down. >> all right. >> jon: i'm sorry the ministry of guidance invites you to not stay. >> that's right. >> jon: it's even in red and i screwed it up. how are you, sir? >> i'm well, yourself. >> jon: it's nice to see you. you spent a year living with your wife and young child. you moved back to iran for a
7:49 pm
year. >> that was the idea. >> jon: was it to research for the book. was that the premises of it? >> partly. i had a desire to reconnect or to connect, because i never lived as a child, with iranian culture and iran. i didn't pick the best time to do it. >> jon: when were you there? >> 2011. >> jon: so when would be the best time? >> in our age group i'm not sure there's a best time but i think it's better now. >> jon: with the rahani. >> a pragmatic president and somewhat reformist as compared to ak din jad who was who was - ahmedinejad who was completely crazy. a lot of social changes haven't happened yet. >> jon: your wife is american? where is she from? >> wisconsin. >> jon: your child was what
7:50 pm
age? >> less than a year old. >> jon: you said to your wife from wisconsin, hey, honey, i have this idea -- >> guess what -- [laughter] yes. >> jon: you know how you love, wisconsin? let's move to iran. [ laughter ] >> something like that, yeah, yeah. >> jon: how did that go? >> are you crazy? >> jon: she was upset. >> not upset. she's quite adventurous. she was like, okay if you think that's something you want to do, yeah, i can see trying that. i can see it. i can see living there for a while. not forever but maybe for a while. >> jon: we're ming around and joking. the crazy thing about it is iran is an incredibly artistic, eloquent, sew fis dated -- sophisticated, wonderful, the food is great society. the truth is it really is you are going to have a travel experience. >> sort of, yeah. if you are not active politcally
7:51 pm
that's what it is. there's a great headline in the web sites that said young iranians continue to shock the internet by actinging normal. [ laughter ] -- acting normal. [laughter] it's a wonderful headline and it's very true. they are very normal. i think, you know, if you are married to iranian or know them or have iranian friends you kind of know that. it's not such a big shock. it is hard to go to some place like iran which is in america viewed as the enemy. but it was more family members and friends who are like, are you crazy, why would you want to do this? >> jon: two things do you see the effects of a more oppressive regime? when we spy on our citizens we are very, very quiet about it. >> and nice about it. >> jon: we do it when you are not even on your computer. they are a little bit more bold. overt, yes, yes.
7:52 pm
>> jon: what is that like? >> in some ways it's better. in some ways it's better because you know what is happening. it's assumed, i think that people in iran if you write an e-mail. it's assumed and it was assumed a long time agoing it was going be read and if you said something publicly or journalist wrote something they didn't like it was assumed you would get into trouble. here the lines lines are blurry. >> jon: a little blurry. what about this ministry of guidance and culture that will maybe knock on the door and say, hey man, are you having fun in there? and stop. [ laughter ] >> the ministry of guidance and culture takes care of journalists as well as culture and guidance. it's one of those orwellian sounding ministries. they are the ones ones who wered of responsible for someone like myself and my family in iran as a journalist as a writer trying to get a work permit, trying to work there which they wouldn't
7:53 pm
give me. and the suggestions that maybe you are not quite in keeping keg with islamic norms in many instances. they don't knock on your door but they give you hints. you can get phonecalls, yeah. >> jon: do they, for instance,, what is their role in every day iranians lives. let's say you want to have a wedding and want fermented substance at that wedding. >> you probably do want to but you won't. it's not the ministry of culture that would deal with that that would be the police. >> jon: they get around it, no? life there live its in the ballpark -- thrives in the black markets. >> absolutely. you wouldn't go to the ministry of guidance and say i'd like guidance. i know we're an islamic state but i'd like to serve a little bit of wine. the answer would be are you crazy. >> jon: when you come back and write something like this and you publish it and they'll see it, are you now now allowed to
7:54 pm
go back to iran? >> the iranian government can't stop me from going to iran. >> jon: i beg to differ. i know individuals that they have stopped. >> they can stop me from leaving. they can't stop me from going because i do have an iranian passport as well. he had edward snowden is not prevented from coming to america. he may be prevented from enjoying life here the same thing could happen -- >> jon: we've just danced around everything (bleep) thing our countries do in some different ways. >> somehow it comes back to iran. >> jon: when you came back do you feel like you reconnected what it means to be iranian to you? >> i've been traveling back and fourth as a journalist and writer and when you see the people have to live or do live,
7:55 pm
whether they enjoy it or not on a daily basis, the struggles they go through. the hardships, the economy, the sanctions, regime, dealing with their own government and dealing with the things that they have to deal with on a daily basis you have a different kind of empathy for people and you recognize yourself in them and them in yourself if a way you don't if you are just visiting for a short time. i do feel that. >> if only the two countries could all write books about each other. [ laughter ] that would be somewhat impractical wouldn't it? >> probably, yeah. >> jon: luckily did he it for us. the ministry of guidance invites to the ministry of guidance invites to [ cheers and yelling from group ] ooh sabra... that tight end is the best. oh it's the tightest. excuse me. pass it! are we out? [ group cheering ] [ male announcer ] sabra hummus.
7:56 pm
dip life to the fullest. [ car alarm chirps ] ♪ [ male announcer ] we don't just certify our pre-owned vehicles. we inspect, analyze, and recondition each one, until it's nothing short of a genuine certified pre-owned mercedes-benz for the next new owner. [ car alarm chirps ] hurry in to the mercedes-benz certified pre-owned sales event. visit today for exceptional offers. ♪
7:57 pm
visit today for exceptional offers. (voseeker of the sublime.ro. you can separate runway ridiculousness... from fashion that flies off the shelves. and you...rent from national. because only national lets you choose any car in the aisle... and go. and only national is ranked highest in car rental customer satisfaction by j.d. power. (natalie) ooooh, i like your style. (vo) so do we, business pro. so do we. go national. go like a pro. to help pay for her kids' ice time, -before earning 1% cash back... -guys! -everywhere, every time... -close the front door! and 2% back at the grocery store, even before she got 3% back on gas with no hoops to jump through, katie used her bankamericard cash rewards credit card to stay warm and toasty during the heat of competition. that's the comfort of rewarding connections. apply online or at a bank of america near you.
7:58 pm
land speed record nine times. what was he chasing? what are you chasing?
7:59 pm
>> jon: that's our show. here it is your moment of zen. that's really very good. i'd like to try it just one more time and we'll call it a day. ♪ i met her on a monday and my heart stood still ♪ ♪ i met her on a monday and my heart stood still ♪ ♪ the do run [dubstep music]
8:00 pm
♪ - gentlemen, welcome to gigolo house. 10 bedrooms, 1 1/2 bathrooms, and seven of the longest dongs in las vegas. - i gotta couple of dick tricks to show you jerks. - when we first walked in the house, i was very much impressed by the caliber of those i saw. okay, twins, asians, blacks, whites, kids, great. - two rules. work hard and play hard, and no intercourse in the house. - well, brah, that's three rules. - work hard and play hard is one rule, brah. it's right there embroidered on that board. we did that ourselves. - always have things embroidered, bro. - lower your voice. - what do you wanna do when you wanna be vulnerable with a girl? how do you connect with her emotion-- - whoa. - come on, dude. - third rule of the house: don't ever show your true self to anybody.

64 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on